Beyond Sex Addiction Labels: A Compassionate Approach to Sexual Concerns

If you or someone close to you have been struggling with what’s often labelled as “sex addict” please know that you’re not alone, and there’s no shame in seeking support. It’s important to understand that the term “sex addiction” isn’t a recognised clinical diagnosis or supported by evidence. As a practitioner I prefer not to pathologise sexual behaviour. However, I recognise that sometimes familiar language can help us make sense of our experiences, and many people use the term sex addiction to describe what they are experiencing.

I understand that discussing sexual concerns can be challenging, and I want to assure you that you’re in a safe, non-judgmental space. My approach is sex-positive, based on principles of sexual health, with the flexibility to incorporate experiential tools when appropriate to support your journey.

When I work with a client who’s experiencing sexual behaviours that feel intense and often out of control, I’ll use language like: “thinking about more sex than usual, masturbating more, watching too much porn, feeling like you have too many sexual partners” to describe patterns that may be causing distress or difficulties in life. Sometime these experiences are often layered and rooted in complexity for example:  drug and substance use, being in an unfulfilling relationship, coping with stress and life transitional stages, coping with emotional and physical pain, health problems or underlying mental health concerns. There are many reasons.

Understanding Sexual Behaviours

Self diagnosis around hypersexuality and sex addiction often occurs. Sometimes sexual behaviours can feel overwhelming and out of control. However, these behaviours are not a sign of “sex addiction”. Instead, they are often coping mechanisms for underlying emotional, relationship, psychological concerns, sexual shame or incongruences that challenge ones own sexual values and morals (Ley, 2019).  Recognising this distinction is crucial in approaching my clients with these concerns. If this sounds like you then its important to chat with someone like me,

A Pluralistic, Non-Judgmental Perspective 

In my practice I take a pluralistic approach, understanding that each client’s experience with sexuality is unique. This means integrating various modalities and focusing on my clients specific needs and circumstances. I move beyond the outdated and reductive concepts of “sex addiction”. These terms come from the sex addiction industry, where there’s been a long history of pathologising sexual behaviour to exert moral and social control (Ley, 2019). I don’t pathologise my clients. I provide a holistic and compassionate framework whilst also using a biopsychosocial model to delve into your concerns. Its important to understand that there is NO evidence to support sex addiction models, or sex addiction as a mental health disorder (Ley, 2019). For more information about the sex addiction industry feel free to read this Psychology Today article by Silva Neves here.

The Importance of a Sex-Positivity

Creating a sex-positive environment is central to my practice. I believe in the importance of understanding and respecting my clients erotic scripts – the unique elements of their erotic mind that are functional, pleasurable, and fulfilling. By exploring and acknowledging these elements, my clients get to better understand their sexual desires and behaviour’s, leading to healthier and more satisfying sexual lives.

Overcoming Shame and Fostering Sexual Wellness

A key focus of my therapeutic work is addressing and alleviating sexual shame. Many individuals seek help because they feel burdened by intense feelings of guilt and shame regarding their sexual behaviour, which is often at the core of their concerns. My sex-positive approach aims to normalise and validate client experiences, helping clients recognise their sexuality as a natural and healthy aspect of their identity.

I also emphasise core principles of sexual wellness, including:

1. 1. 1. Work with your distress: I’ll work with you to understand your emotions and sexual frequency.
      2. Consensual Behaviours: Ensuring all sexual activities are agreed upon and respectful. Avoiding manipulative or coercive behaviour’s.
      3. Sexual Safety: Promoting practices to prevent STIs and unintended pregnancies, or sexual behaviours that might cause harm.
      4. Open Communication: Encouraging candid discussions about sexual desires and behaviour’s with oneself and partners.
      5. Value Alignment: Ensuring sexual practices are congruent with personal and relational values that assist in living a meaningful sexual life.
      6. Sexual Wellness: Striving for self or mutually pleasurable and fulfilling sexual experiences that increase your quality of life, learning how to slow down and create more capacity for pleasurable experiences.

Why Work with Me?

Regarding my approach to such sexual concerns: I understand that seeking help for sexual behaviours can be a deeply personal and sometimes difficult step. I want you to know that I approach these concerns with compassion and without judgment.

I align with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists (AASECT) Position Statement, which encourages understanding sexual behaviours without unnecessarily pathologising them. This means I don’t frame increased sexual urges, thoughts and behaviours within an “addiction” model, as there isn’t sufficient evidence supporting this classification.

If you’re experiencing distress, confusion, or challenges related to your sexual urges, thoughts, or behaviours, I’m here to provide supportive therapy that honors your experiences and helps you work towards feeling congruent about your sexual experiences. My approach focuses on understanding the full context of your experiences rather than applying labels that might not serve your healing journey.

While I can offer compassionate support for your concerns, if you’re specifically seeking treatment under a “sex addiction” model, I may not be the best fit for your needs, and I would discourage you from doing so. I’m happy to discuss this further. Feel free to schedule time to see me.