Out of Control Sexual Behaviour: Embracing a Sex-Positive Approach to Distress and Difficulties

If you or someone close to you have been struggling with what’s often labelled as “sex addiction or compulsive sexual behaviour” please know that you’re not alone, and there’s no shame in seeking support. It’s important to understand that the term “sex addiction” isn’t a recognised clinical diagnosis or supported by evidence. As a practitioner I prefer not to pathologise sexual behaviour. However, I recognise that sometimes familiar language can help us make sense of our experiences, and many people use the term sex addiction or hypersexuality to describe what they are experiencing.

I understand that discussing sexual concerns can be challenging, and I want to assure you that you’re in a safe, non-judgmental space. My approach is sex-positive, based on principles of sexual health, with the flexibility to incorporate experiential tools when appropriate to support your journey.

When I work with a client that’s experiencing sexual behaviour’s that feel intense and out of control , I’ll use more precise terms like “out of control sexual behaviour, or having more sex than usual,” to describe patterns that may be causing you distress or difficulties in your life. These experiences are often rooted in complexities, including past trauma, childhood adversity, relationship dynamics, life transitional stages, coping with emotional pain, health problems or underlying mental health concerns (Sahithya & Kashyap, 2022; Neves, 2021).

Understanding Out of Control Sexual Behaviours

Self diagnosis around hypersexuality and sex addiction often occurs. Sometimes sexual behaviours  can feel overwhelming and out of control. However, these behaviours are not a sign of “sex addiction”. Instead, they are often coping mechanisms for underlying emotional, relationship, psychological concerns, sexual shame or incongruences that challenge ones own sexual values and morals (Ley, 2019). Often without knowing or understanding such behaviour’s your genitals are trying to tell you something. Recognising this distinction is crucial in approaching my clients with these concerns. If this sounds like you then its important to chat with someone like me,

A Pluralistic, Non-Judgmental Perspective 

In my practice I take a pluralistic approach, understanding that each client’s experience with sexuality is unique. This means integrating various  modalities and focusing on my clients specific needs and circumstances. I move beyond the outdated and reductive concepts of “sex addiction or compulsion”. These terms come the sex addiction industry, where there’s been a long history of pathologising sexual behaviour to exert moral and social control (Ley, 2019). I don’t pathologise my clients. I provide a holistic and compassionate framework whilst also using a biopsychosocial model to delve into your concerns. Its important to understand that there is NO evidence to support sex addiction models, or sex addiction as a mental health disorder (Ley, 2019). 

The Importance of a Sex-Positivity

Creating a sex-positive environment is central to my practice. I believe in the importance of understanding and respecting clients erotic scripts – the unique elements of their erotic mind that are functional, pleasurable, and fulfilling. By exploring and acknowledging these elements, my clients get to better understand their sexual desires and behaviour’s, leading to healthier and more satisfying sexual lives.

Overcoming Shame and Fostering Sexual Wellness

A key focus of my therapeutic work is addressing and alleviating sexual shame. Many individuals seek help burdened by intense feelings of guilt and shame regarding their sexual behaviours, its often at the core of their concerns. My sex-positive approach aims to normalise and validate client experiences, helping clients recognise their sexuality as a natural and healthy aspect of their identity.

I also emphasise core principles of sexual health, including:

1. 1. 1. Work with your distress: I’ll work with you to understand your emotions and sexual frequency.
      2. Consensual Behaviours: Ensuring all sexual activities are agreed upon and respectful. Avoiding manipulative or coercive behaviour’s.
      3. Sexual Safety: Promoting practices to prevent STIs and unintended pregnancies.
      4. Open Communication: Encouraging candid discussions about sexual desires and behaviour’s with oneself and partners.
      5. Value Alignment: Ensuring sexual practices are consistent with personal and relational values that assist in living a meaningful sexual life.
      6. Sexual Wellness: Striving for self or mutually pleasurable and fulfilling sexual experiences that increase your quality of life.

Why Work with Me?

I understand that seeking help for out of control sexual behaviour’s can feel daunting. Recognising that not everyones sexual frequency is out of control and the internal conflict you might be experiencing could be related to something else.  I’m here to offer you a safe, non-judgmental space for healing and growth. If you’re ready to move towards a healthier, more fulfilling sexual life, I’m here to walk alongside you on this journey. Together, we can work through shame, build self-understanding, and create positive change.

Taking the first step can be the hardest, but you don’t have to face this alone. Reach out today, and let’s begin your path to healing and self-discovery. Your wellbeing matters, and a more satisfying future is possible.

References

Ley, D. J. (2019). Treating those who Struggle with Sexual Desires. In K. M. Hertlein, N. Gambescia, & G. R. Weeks (Eds.), Systemic sex therapy (3rd ed., pp. 197-211). Routledge.

Neves, S. (2021). Compulsive Sexual Behaviours: A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians. Routledge.

Sahithya, B. R., & Kashyap, R. S. (2022). Sexual Addiction Disorder—A Review With Recent Updates. Journal of Psychosexual Health, 4(2), 95-101. https://doi.org/10.1177/26318318221081080