Chasing happiness in life? Why meaning matters more for your mental wellbeing. How many of us have self-help books that sits on your coffee table or bookshelf that promises you a happy life, maybe you’ve read one page, or perhaps you bought the book but never opened it! You’ve ticked all the boxes in life, or continue to strive to get them ticked. Or maybe circumstances beyond your control meant those opportunities never came your way and you’re struggling. Either way, that deep sense of satisfaction remains frustratingly out of reach. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not broken. Maybe this isn’t about what you’re doing wrong—maybe it’s about looking for something else entirely.

The Happiness Trap We All Fall Into

Research from the University of Denver revealed something counterintuitive: people who strongly believed that “feeling happy is extremely important” actually felt less satisfied with their lives overall (as cited in Bishopstrow College, 2026). When positive events occurred—a compliment, a completed task—these individuals enjoyed them less, constantly measuring whether the moment was “enough” rather than simply experiencing it.

This phenomenon, known as the “happiness paradox,” has been documented for over a decade (Mauss et al., 2011). Recent research from the University of Toronto found that trying to be happier is mentally exhausting in a way that drains our ability to use self-control and willpower, making us more susceptible to poor decision-making that ultimately makes us less happy (Maglio & Kim, 2025). The researchers found that those who habitually tried to be happier reported using less self-control in their daily lives, and in experimental settings, they ate more chocolates and gave up sooner on challenging puzzles.

As Viktor Frankl, the renowned psychologist and Holocaust survivor observed in his seminal 1946 work Man’s Search for Meaning, happiness “ensues” as a side-effect of pursuing something meaningful, not as a prize we can directly grab (Frankl, 1946/1992, as cited in Bishopstrow College, 2026). When we chase happiness itself, we inadvertently turn it into a moving goalpost, always one step ahead, always slightly out of reach.

Understanding the Difference: Happiness vs. Meaning

Think of happiness as weather—changeable, temporary, valuable but fragile. Meaning, on the other hand, is climate. It provides the framework that holds all your emotions, the difficult ones alongside the pleasant (Bishopstrow College, 2026).

Meaning gives pain a context. It doesn’t erase suffering, but it weaves it into a story that makes sense. According to the Pursuit of Happiness (2023), Frankl pointed to research indicating a strong relationship between meaninglessness and criminal behaviours, addictions, and depression—without meaning, people fill the void with hedonistic pleasures, power, materialism, hatred, or neurotic obsessions. This is why someone training for a marathon in the rain can feel more internally aligned than someone lying on a perfect beach, restless and scrolling. The body may be tired and wet, but the story they’re living has coherence.

Research demonstrates that having purpose and meaning in life increases overall wellbeing and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency, enhances self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression (as cited in Smith, n.d.). Life satisfaction, which reflects a broader sense of meaning and purpose, has been shown to serve as a protective resource that sustains mental health during times of crisis (Kaplan et al., 2023).

How Meaning Changes Your Mental Health

In my Goodwood practice, I often work with clients who arrive feeling burnt out, anxious, or simply lost—despite having achieved what they thought would make them happy. The shift begins when we move from “What will make me happy?” to “Where can I be of use?”

Wong’s (2013) analysis of Frankl’s logotherapy identifies meaning as the primary motivational force in human life, distinguishing humans from a mere pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain. Research by Park et al. (2010) consistently shows that a life framed by meaning is more satisfying than a life centred on pleasure.

Psychologists typically identify three components of meaning:

• Purpose: What you’re aiming toward
• Coherence: The story that connects your past, present, and future
• Significance: The sense that your life matters to someone or something

You don’t need all three perfectly aligned at once. Even one element can transform how you experience your daily life (Bishopstrow College, 2026). Frankl (1946/1992) emphasised that mental health is based on a certain degree of tension—the gap between what one has achieved and what one ought to accomplish, between what one is and what one should become.

Small Shifts, Real Impact: Practical Steps You Can Take Today

The beautiful truth about meaning is that it often starts embarrassingly small. Try this simple exercise therapists use called a “meaning audit”:

For one week, write down three things each evening:

• What gave me energy today?
• What drained me?
• What made me forget to check my phone for a moment?

After seven days, look for patterns. Perhaps you feel alive when explaining concepts to others, grounded when cooking for someone you love, or energised when solving problems. These tiny signals are the raw material of a more meaningful life (Bishopstrow College, 2026).

Values-Based Living: Your Daily Anchor

One of the most effective therapeutic approaches for building a meaningful life is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which emphasises that psychological flexibility and values-driven actions to enhance overall wellbeing (Krafft et al., 2025). Unlike traditional approaches that focus solely on eliminating negative thoughts, ACT encourages acceptance of difficult emotions while fostering commitment to personal values (Hayes et al., 2012). As a therapist I have found this approach useful in my own life and seen where its been beneficial in my clients.

When values serve as guiding principles for leading a meaningful life—they are linguistically constructed aspirations and chosen directions that give our actions purpose (Houwer et al., 2016). Research has found that increases in values-based action relate to improvements in anxiety, depression, and overall life satisfaction (Gloster et al., 2020). Here’s how you can begin:

Identify Your Core Values

Values work allows long-term goals to influence our behaviours even when facing short-term difficulties (Tarbox et al., 2022). Common value domains include:

• Relationships (family, friendships, intimacy).
• Personal growth and learning.
• Health and wellbeing.
• Compassion for ourselves and others.
• Creativity and contribution.
• Justice.

Take Values-Based Action Daily

1. Choose one value that matters to you this week.
2. Plan one small, specific action each day that reflects it. It doesn’t have to be a big action. Smaller actions are much more doable.
3. At night, ask yourself: “Did I move 1cm toward my value today?”—not “Was I happy?”

These aren’t grand gestures. Kindness might mean sending a thoughtful message to a struggling friend. Courage might mean setting a boundary to protect your weekend. Learning might be 20 minutes with a challenging book instead of mindless scrolling (Bishopstrow College, 2026).

The goal is to help you choose behaviour changes that align with your own values, take responsibility for your actions, and support an effective values-based life (Hayes et al., 2012). Research demonstrates that ACT based therapy helps promote new behavioural patterns through committed acts in service of chosen values, even while acknowledging the existence of contrary thoughts and emotions (Mun et al., 2018). Your nervous system gradually learns: I live a life where my actions match what I care about.

Developing Psychological Flexibility (The Key To Living A Meaningful Life)

Psychological flexibility is the cornerstone of ACT. This refers to your ability to remain open to experiences, stay present in the moment, and engage in actions aligned with personal values, even when faced with emotional or cognitive discomfort (Krafft et al., 2025). This capacity is vital for maintaining mental health, enabling you to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and purpose.

Research by Abdel-Khalek and Lester (2013) demonstrates that mental health encompasses not just the absence of negative psychological symptoms but the presence of positive ones, including feelings of purpose, life satisfaction, and contentment. Through values based living, individuals learn to accept thoughts and feelings without judgment while committing to meaningful action (Harris, 2006).

What Changes When You Stop Fighting Your Feelings

When you build your life around what you stand for rather than constant happiness, something shifts. Sadness, boredom, even anger become part of a larger picture rather than system failures. They point toward what needs attention: maybe its the relationship requiring care, the boundary needing reinforcement, the dream you’ve been postponing, helping others around you, being present with others (Bishopstrow College, 2026).

Kaplan et al. (2023) found that life satisfaction serves as a moderator between perceived stress and mental health outcomes, suggesting that when encountering a stressor, an individual’s sense of having a meaningful life contributes to their ability to view the stressor as an isolated event rather than overwhelming. This perspective can modify perceptions and facilitate coping.

ACT teaches that pain, grief, disappointment, illness, and anxiety are inevitable features of human life—the therapeutic goal is helping individuals productively adapt to these experiences while pursuing valued life areas such as intimate relationships, meaningful work, and personal growth (Forman et al., 2017).

As Frankl wisely noted: “Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to ‘be happy'” (as cited in Bishopstrow College, 2026).

Why Professional Support Matters

While the exercises and insights shared here can begin your journey toward a more meaningful life, working with a qualified therapist (like mysefl) provides crucial benefits that self-help alone cannot offer. As a trained mental health professional, I bring specialised expertise in evidence-based approaches like ACT tailoring interventions to your unique circumstances, values, and challenges.

Research shows that the effectiveness of ACT depends significantly on the therapist’s ability to flexibly apply interventions and guide clients through discomfort (Hayes et al., 2012). Studies highlight that specialised training in these therapeutic approaches improves both therapist competency and client outcomes (A-Tjak et al., 2015). Working with a qualified therapist allows me to:

• Identify underlying patterns you may not recognise on your own.
• Provide objective perspective when you’re caught in your own cognitive loops.
• Navigate complex emotions safely, particularly if you’re dealing with trauma, severe depression, or anxiety.
• Hold you accountable to values-based commitments when motivation wanes.
• Adjust therapeutic approaches based on your progress and needs.
• Offer professional assessment to rule out conditions requiring additional support.

Attempting to navigate deep-seated patterns of meaning-avoidance, experiential avoidance, or psychological inflexibility without professional guidance can sometimes reinforce unhelpful behaviours or leave you feeling more stuck. Additionally, individuals with severe trauma histories or significant mental health conditions require trauma-sensitive modifications and specialised care that only trained professionals can provide (as noted in research by McLean & Follette, 2016, cited in positive psychology literature).

The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a space where you can practice vulnerability, explore difficult emotions, and receive consistent, compassionate support as you build a life aligned with your deepest values. This collaborative process creates accountability and momentum that’s difficult to sustain alone.

Finding Support in My Goodwood Practice

If you’re tired of feeling lost despite doing “all the right things,” you don’t have to figure this out alone. In my Adelaide practice in Goodwood, I specialise in helping clients move from chasing fleeting happiness to building lives rich with meaning and purpose.

I draw on evidence-based approaches including ACT, which has demonstrated effectiveness in treating various psychological conditions including anxiety, depression, and chronic stress (A-Tjak et al., 2015). With training in meaning-focused and values-based therapeutic approaches, I provide expert, compassionate care tailored to your individual needs.

In our work together, I help you:

• Identify your core values and what truly matters to you.
• Develop psychological flexibility to navigate difficult emotions.
• Take committed action toward values-based goals.
• Practice acceptance and mindfulness techniques.
• Build resilience that comes from depth, not just positive thinking.
• Create a life narrative that gives your experiences coherence and significance.
• Work through underlying patterns with professional support and guidance.

Research by Badri et al. (2022) consistently demonstrates that satisfaction with life is strongly associated with self-reported mental health, and that positive mental health—including a sense of purpose and meaning—is critical to overall wellbeing. Rather than striving for constant happiness, therapy focused on meaning and values helps you develop what Frankl called the “will to meaning”—the fundamental human motivation to find purpose even in difficult circumstances.

The day you stop fighting every negative emotion as proof you’re “doing life wrong” is often the day your life starts to feel richer. Not sweeter all the time, but deeper. And depth has its own quiet joy—unmistakable when you live it (Bishopstrow College, 2026).

Ready to explore what a more meaningful life could look like for you? Schedule your first session with me at my Goodwood practice today. Sometimes the most profound changes begin with the smallest, most intentional steps and the support of someone trained to walk alongside you.

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be deeply good.

References

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